Fatherhood in a Technological World – Episode #10
It’s a matter of teaching self-confidence.
This is not tech related but it is an important lesson in developing your child’s character, ability to work, and sense of gratitude. Furthermore, by allowing children to build confidence in many areas, will help you and your child manage their use of technology.
I’m pretty sure, teaching your daughter how to take care of long hair is not one of those things the average single man thinks he’d be concerned with when he starts a family. Yet as with many things, how you get your child to take responsibility is to give them a task and allow them liberal room for error.
I suggest to give a child a lot of space to take on a task on their own as much as possible without exceeding an extreme level of error or unless they encounter a significant safety issue.
How to encourage a child’s willingness to do things without stifling them with grown-ups’ expectations is an art, but one that is possible if your intentions are to develop independent and confident children.
Sometimes, and I’m sure this is not limited to the Chinese culture, the predisposition of the “aunty” syndrome curtails a child’s ability to become self-directed. For example, it is too common for the Chinese aunty to feed a child ad-nauseum, or to take care of many a mundane or daily task for a child, because the “Chinese Aunty” believes she is a such a helper, such a great caregiver doing all this stuff for the child.
Give me a break.
As a father, you have an opportunity to exercise instinct to “just let the kid make some mistakes and learn to do it on his (or her) own!” You can cite this article is you want! You have my permission to be a man and take a stand for your future responsible, confident, independent and grateful child.
(But keep up your antenna for trouble as your children develop their new skills).
Believe me, even if you want to, no one can keep up taking care of someone else perfectly. Your job as a parent is to teach and not be a lifelong slave to your own sense of unerring perfectionism.
So what about learning to brush hair?
For sure, if a child has not learned to brush when her hair is short, it’s going to be a pain in the rear to get her to do it when it is long and when is becomes super prone to looking like a rat-nest after one night’s sleep.
I recommend, if a child has hair, to let her brush it on her own, especially when it is short. in early childhood, let the child brush her own hair to her own satisfaction, but make sure she brushes it. As she feels the need for help and asks for it, be sensitive to that but it’s better not to just start doing something that the child ought to be doing themselves.
Having bad hair is not a safety hazard (although long hair can be).
It may be embarrassing to you, but you have to allow a child to do age appropriate tasks on their own for them to grow in confidence. If you’re wondering what is age appropriate, go just a little out of your comfort zone and that’s probably the right time. By the time you are comfortable, especially if you have a doting spouse or you are, it’s probably not early enough.
If at some point your daughter realizes she could use some help, perhaps beginning to be self-conscious to how she is feeling about her looks at school, then doing whatever you need to do in response to a conscious need is likely to be more appreciated rather than doing things for her without her having a sense of need. It helps of she learns by doing how much work and time it takes for a particular task, but starting when the task is small makes a bigger task easier to handle.
Again, take the time to teach but not necessarily to do tasks for your child. Remember, ultimately you are developing a mature and independent human being, and in my opinion, it’s never too early to help instill that sense of confidence into a child.
CY
About Fatherhood in a Technological World
Fathers of young children in today’s modern society are facing unprecedented challenges with the wave of technology allowing ever easier access to the internet. The effect on your children has and will have a great influence on their growth. As a parent, you may be feeling the anxiety of having to confront the challenges of being at the end of the rail of the powerful forces driving technology into the laps and hands of your children.
Your work is cut out for you are a father. Even though popular culture doesn’t do well to herald the value of the leadership role of men in the form of fathers, let me tell you right now, being a father in this time and age has never been more important.
Click here to read the complete pilot blog article for FTW
Use what you find that may be helpful and share some of your own insights in my comments.
Tag along for the ride and let’s see if we can cover some common ground.
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Challen Yee
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