Fatherhood in a Technological World – Message #38
Yep, you see it in the news everyday, the big boys and girls without character, so how should it work out in your home?
I’ve got some insights on how to work out the punitive consequences of breaking the technology-use rules.
The situation is, your child follows the technology-use rules but clearly breaks one.
When your child was younger, he was obedient and with only a little or no protest, he gives up the technology for the allotted time period.
Imagine, as he get’s older, let’s say 5th grade, he tests his sweet talking trial lawyer skills and tries to argue that since he has followed the rules before, or has done his chores, or other routine job around the house, he expects to not be a punished. Maybe he doesn’t even admit he did anything wrong!
What do you think? Reward him for playing your politician of choice?
Let me tell you, now I more appreciate the humble alternative of relying on the mercy of the judge, which in this case would be you the father (or parent). I certainly get a bad taste when my child goes through a phase where they try to talk themselves into sliding out of paying the consequences for breaking a rule.
What I recommend is, you state the rule, maybe even write it down like a traffic citation, explain the reasons the rule is necessary, state the evidence that the rule was violated and what the previously agreed upon range of punishment was, and then dispense justice. If your spouse is around, make sure you are both aware of the new restriction so that the little trial lawyer doesn’t play both side of the court.
If you are in a charitable mood, you can offer your child a special assignment to work on to expedite the restriction period, for example, do an extra chore or do some research to reinforce the knowledge behind the reasons for your rules (i.e. eye health, multitasking study, ergo-dynamic problems, the virtues of being responsible…).
Later, when they break the rules again, rinse lather repeat.
The first time they whine or complain if they do not stop promptly, warn them you’ll double the punishment. Just a suggestion.
In the video, I give an analogy related to driving a car which I think most of us can related to.
Trust, Care, and Honor
They may have a hard time believing it, or at least they will not readily admit, that for you to go through all this trouble really means you care about them and the development of their character.
Furthermore, you must be honest in your dealings with them. I’ve seen many parents tell outright lies to their children to manipulate them into doing things and that’s something which must be unequivocally avoided.
When there are misunderstandings, no matter how careful you are there will be misunderstandings, you’ll need to hash it out. Acknowledge their feelings of disappointment or frustration or even anger, but explain your honest perspective. If you’ve made a mistake or an error, you’ll need to apologize or otherwise make amends. In the end, you’ll have a stronger relationship with your maturing child.
CY
About Fatherhood in a Technological World
Fathers of young children in today’s modern society are facing unprecedented challenges with the wave of technology allowing ever easier access to the internet. The effect on your children has and will have a great influence on their growth. As a parent, you may be feeling the anxiety of having to confront the challenges of being at the end of the rail of the powerful forces driving technology into the laps and hands of your children.
Your work is cut out for you are a father. Even though popular culture doesn’t do well to herald the value of the leadership role of men in the form of fathers, let me tell you right now, being a father in this time and age has never been more important.
Click here to read the complete pilot blog article for FTW
Use what you find that may be helpful and share some of your own insights in my comments.
Tag along for the ride and let’s see if we can cover some common ground.
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Challen Yee
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