So what kind of advice would a Christian pastor give a couple thinking about getting married?
Here’s my layman’s thoughts on the matter.
The following passage comes to mind when the subject of couples who are planning to get married where one is follower and believer in Christ and one is not:
Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? 15 And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? 16 And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. – 2 Corinthians 6:14-16.
For those who do not understand the gospel, this passage may seem a bit harsh. On the other hand, this passage make a lot of sense if one is a follower of Christ and the other is not a follower of Christ. If one or the partners has surrendered their life to Christ, it is uncertain at best how getting married to someone who does not strive to make decisions with Christ as their highest priority would be expected to resolve problems and deal with the many difficult decisions that a couple or parents will eventually face in marriage.
While it’s true that in the Corinthian church there were more likely some rather extreme forms of paganism practiced among the community, the advice from Paul’s letter echoes the same principles that the Israelites were warned against as they entered the Promised Land and were steered away from intermarrying with the people of foreign kingdoms which were quite steeped in pagan practices (like sacrificing children and other rituals, practices and behaviors) and idol worship, which were clear violations of the Ten Commandments.
What about in common everyday American or other Western cultured lifestyle? Certainly the girl or guy next door in not likely to be exercising these extreme forms of unholy worship, right? Shouldn’t we be tolerant to diversity?
The main stream “Christian”, according to my observation and of statistics, is not someone who has committed their life to Christ in accordance to Jesus’s teachings. It’s one of those little details that has conveniently fallen through the cracks with most church congregations where the exclusivity that results from following Christ is not something that is particularly prominent.
To put it simply, though we all are exposed to most of the same worldly influences, following Christ does put worldly prosperity, pleasure and materialism a several notches down on the importance list. This is not what a lot of people want to hear in a Sunday sermon (however, Sunday service is meant to be a Worship service, extolling the glory of God not a self-help seminar or where to catch a morning nap).
By the time a couple decides to get married, with the mainstream church’s milquetoast attitude towards obedience to Christ, God’s guidances cannot be highlighted at pre-marriage counseling without becoming rather hypocritical. If relative morality and an ecumenical all roads lead to heaven attitude dominates the church, then it doesn’t make any sense to amplify the passage from 2 Corinthians.
Weak theology extends from the pulpit to the pre-marriage counseling. In the effort to exercise tolerance and inclusiveness, the message of the gospel is lost. The primary teaching of the Lord Jesus Christ is confounded by the very shepherds called to obedience to God. It’s part of the slippery slope of tolerance.
Having said that, I can tell you with absolute certainty, in a way that I could not for about 59 years of my life as treating Christ like some kind of cosmic life guard, that a person who values Christ as Lord and lives by His instructions provided in Scripture, I cannot imagine how a true born-again man or a woman could seriously entertain getting married to a spouse who wasn’t also a born-again Christian. The obvious search would be for someone with a solid understanding of the gospel and what it means to have Christ as Lord and Savior.
When It comes time to work out the myriad of problems you will have fighting about just about everything else, from money to what you do on your free time, it would help immensely to have that common foundation of being accountable to God in that very substantial way.
Children? The most important thing you can do for your Children as a Christian couple is to rear them with a love or Christ and the Law, and a practical survival approach to sin and temptation. Christian children should learn respect and understand the Ten Commandments and appreciate the love of Christ beginning with the gospel so that when they get old enough to know the different between fantasy and reality, so they can make the most important decision they will ever make in their lives without the parents creating obstacles for that path to salvation and a joyful life in service to God.
If I was a Christian marriage counselor, I would highlight these realities of a marriage based on a Christ-centered way of life.
What if one spouse becomes a born-again Christian during marriage?
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Keep Your Marriage Vows
The Ninth Commandment: You shall not lie. I would add, you need to stand by your word and honor your covenant with God to preserve your marriage.
I know about abusive marriages and I am not speaking to those, but in most marriages where the essential respect for the intrinsic value of each other is intact there is a calling.
Paul has this to write: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. 16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? – 1 Corinthians 7:12-16.
In other words, as a Christian, you are called to make good on your vows before God, even if your spouse does not fathom the importance of the covenant made. This may become part of your cross to bear, but if you understand the realities of the Christian life, you probably should understand that your honor and your understanding and ability to love will be put to the test. Furthermore, how you draw strength, wisdom and peace from God will be put to the test in your marriage in ways that would not need to occur in a equally yoked marriage. Your marriage will become part of your mission field.
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An extreme example of fidelity is God’s message through the Prophet Hosea
The Prophet Hosea was a messenger of God who delivered warnings to the northern Kingdom of Israel about 750 to 720 BC, in its latter days.
Ever since Israel was divided into two, not long after the reign of King Solomon, the kings who lead the people had all turned away from the Lord. They became more entrenched into their fallen ways until they final crushing defeat, judgment by God at the hands of the Assyrians.
Hosea was man called to marry a woman named Gomer. Gomer had a terrible weakness to prostitute herself. She had several children who were born during their marriage but were not his children. Hosea’s was instructed by God, despite Gomer’s prodigal type journeys into prostitution, to continue to love her and even restore her to the status of his wife after purchasing her out of slavery – such was the depths she had plummeted to and the faith and love that Hosea was expected to provide. This story remains an important spiritual lesson for us today as many have prostituted themselves to desire the glory of the world and have turned from God.
While this is a very extreme case, the prophetic message to the Israelites was that Gomer was to Hosea as Israel was to God. Although Israel had prostituted herself to pagan worship and the depths of moral depravity, God sought out His bride with tenderness and longing, offering her chance after chance to repent and to accept His enduring love to restore her.
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So how is your life in relationship to God? Have you heard about the gospel, the “good news” and the revealing of God’s love and the peace and security it offers?
It is never too soon to search the evidence offered by the Bible through the Gospels and to read for yourself about Christ’s ministry, who He claimed to be, His amazing teachings, His miracles (signs), His exemplary sinless life, how He suffered and died for our sins, how he was raised from the dead and was witnessed by over 500 people in various places for 40 days before returning to heaven. These evidences, through multiple eye-witness testimony and other collaborating sources, offer validity to the historical narratives provided by the Gospel writers and the testimonies and lives of the Apostles.
For a detailed explanation of who Jesus Christ is from the Bible’s perspective go to the video in this website , “Who is Jesus Christ?”
For a review of the Ten Commandments: https://www.challenyee.com/the-ten-commandments/
CKY
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