Have you ever felt the drag of self-pity, beset with a sense of injustice or unfairness when things didn’t go the way you had hoped or planned? Ruminating about the disappointing circumstances weighs on you and then before you know it, it affects you in a way the people around you notice something is wrong.
You may resist speaking about it, letting it simmer within you, using much of your mind’s effort on ruminating. On the other hand, you may have an unsatiable need to unload on a willing or unwilling ear.
I’m not necessarily talking about the normal expression of grief, after the death of a loved one. One of my friends, Martha Gregory, told me after my mom died in 2017, that grief can swing link a pendulum and at the extreme swings across its arc fills your heart with great sorrow. Over time it subsides, its swings continue, and we endure. Be mindful that we always retain the dignity of being able to grieve the loss of a loved one.
Maybe we’re in a situation when we’re just reflecting on something less life changing than a death, spending some time trying to figure out how to handle the situation the next time it happens, but once you taken out of a healthy routine, be forewarned. Rather than blowing things out of proportion, better to steady yourself to be present in your daily circumstances and responsibilities. Remaining in a state of self-pity weakens you and can cause lost opportunities to help yourself and others.
Whether you think you feel justified to dwell in self-pity or not, one of the best reasons to be restored is to be more alert to meet the needs of others in your realm of responsibility. If you’re just thinking about yourself, you’re taking yourself out of game of life, if you want to consider life as a game and you as a player.
Being a regenerate follower of Christ, walking with a Biblical, Word of God perspective, will help you adjust Consider the following passage:
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. – Romans 8:28
“All things” in life can cause self-pity, it includes adversity, it can include tragedy. Things working for good generates gratitude and hope because these a keys to God’s characteristic blessing for those who love Him.
God’s character stands as an unwaivering reference for us to assess our circumstances. While we are not promised to avoid difficulties (much more the opposite) there are many promises that God offers that we can draw strength from. Moreover, as disappointment generally stems from having an unrealistic view of what to expect or what should bring us peace, seeking God’s will, while placing less faith in the world’s views of what forms happiness and satisfactions, is what yields genuine resilience and a superior and eternal hope.
Self-pity is often the result of unforgiveness. There’s nothing quite like being wronged by a person rather than naturally occuring difficulties. We can take a person’s trespasses against us personally.
“…and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who have sinned against us.” Matthew 6:12 (International Standard Version)
The Lord Jesus commands us to forgive others.
“Then Peter came up and asked him, “Lord, how many times may my brother sin against me and I have to forgive him? Seven times?” Jesus told him, “I tell you, not just seven times, but 77 times!” – Matthew 18:21-22
The Book of Job give an extreme example of a man who suffers the tragic and rapid loss of virtually everything he values short of losing his life, and yet God not only offers his servant Job the overwhelming perspective of an almighty sovereign God’s perspective. After an epic spiritual struggle, Job is left in a state of repentance in ‘dust and ashes’.
“Then Job answered the Lord and said:
2 “I know that You can do everything,
And that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You.
3 You asked, ‘Who is this who hides counsel without knowledge?’
Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand,
Things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.
4 Listen, please, and let me speak;
You said, ‘I will question you, and you shall answer Me.’
5 “I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear,
But now my eye sees You.
6 Therefore I abhor myself,
And repent in dust and ashes.” – Job 42:1-6
Afterwards, God abundantly rewards Job for his steadfast faith and his humble obedience to God’s will.
Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount, the greatest sermons ever given, lists a number of ways a person can suffer and yet, if they seek God in their loss or grief, God will fill them with His strength and peace. Jesus was able to show in human form what God’s compassion for humanity looks like.
Blessed are the poor in spirit,
For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are those who mourn,
For they shall be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek,
For they shall inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
For they shall be filled.
7 Blessed are the merciful,
For they shall obtain mercy.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart,
For they shall see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers,
For they shall be called sons of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake,
For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. 12 Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. – Matthew 5:3-11
Of the several conditions that God may bless you with, being poor in spirit, in a state of mourning, or those who are persecuted stand out as possibilities when one may resort to self-pity rather than looking towards God.
Some adversities have no apparent reason. It can drive a person mad with grief or anger. Yet if we understand that we live in a fallen world and all that may pertain to, you will find inexhaustible hope of God’s ultimate victory over death and injustice, boundless liberation in the trustworthy promises of God’s restoration and eternal reward, and you can find a deep sense of peace in God’s cherished promise where He “will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away” -Revelation 21:4
A key thing to remember, if you are engaged in activities that go against God’s will and His law, then God’s blessing may be in corrective action that is the consequence of your disobedience. The blessing, therefore, is likely to be in the failure to achieve or to find fulfillment in some idolatrous desire in hopes you will turn from sin and to the Savior Lord.
How would you know what the Lord’s will is? That is primarily from studying the Bible, which has been God’s means of letting us know what is important to Him and how we ought to live our lives. One’s attitude towards the Scripture makes all the difference.
Taking the Word of God seriously, as a disciple would learn from his master, leads a follower of Christ to refine their life with activity, thought and behavior that draws one towards being more obedient to God’s will.
Where one faces persecution, even death for the sake of The Lord Jesus Christ, a follower’s faith in God’s promises of eternal life and the lack of fear of death become all the more exigent.
Ultimately, there are three interrelated aspects of God’s being who are involved with a Christian’s walk that strengthen one from falling into the traps of self-pity. Trusting God the Father only through the Son, the Lord Jesus Christ provides salvation’s key. Surrendering to God, you will be blessed with an ever greater sense of God’s forgiveness, kindness and mercy, and being drawn to God’s purposes for your life, you will be drawn to a state of gratitude, even in adversity. God’s divine blessings change lives and softens the hardness of heart. God the Holy Spirit, indwells all believers, becoming ever more the center of your focus in life, laying a pathway of growing resilience that rests in God’s love for you.
For a one minute explanation of the Gospel, watch this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCP9UcC7BzE
For a review of the Ten Commandments: https://www.challenyee.com/the-ten-commandments/
CKY
P.S. Typos and all, I do not use AI.
23.12.09